Most people like you because you are bisexual. However, you are inclined to expect too much for too little. In other words, you're a cheap bastard. You want to do it. No you don't. You want to do it, but something stops you. You plan to do it. You postpone it. You re-plan to do it. You re-postpone it. You abandon the idea. You take it again. You plan to get into action. You don't do it. You go to do it. You give up at the last minute as usual.

You're sympathetic and understanding to other people. They think you're a sucker. You're always putting things off; that's why you'll never make anything of yourself. Stay away from hospitals this month, they're hazardous to your health. Unless you're a doctor. In that case YOU are hazardous to the health of others. Should've said that before the truck hit you. Fortunately, you were outside the hospital. Unfortunately, it was on strike and they had to get you to a military one about 200 miles away. Pray that you'll make it alive, and for gods sake don't tell the nurse what a wonderful body she has. She'll think you're being sarcastic and will torture you to death.

You are unique, just like everyone else. Most Leos are bullies. Your ego has blinded you so much you haven't even noticed that your family has taken all your things and abandoned you.

You are cold and unemotional and sometimes fall asleep while making love. A very attractive person chats you up, takes you to a hotel room, kisses you, hugs you, throws you in bed, undresses you, gets dissappointed and dresses you up again.

You get way too into the attention you receive online. Though to be fair, everyone obviously uses social media to get ignored. You're the artistic type to a fault and have a difficult time with reality. I mean Jesus fuck. Moving into my new place guys! Armed with 300 cigarettes, and a dream

Your economics are not in such a good condition since you still have that bad habit of making money notes into shitty paper planes and throwing them out of the window. Meanwhile the police finds 500 kilos of cocaine in your closet. How they got in there you have no idea. (The police, not the coke). However, you easily convince the court that the coke is for personal use only, and they let you off. You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted- you can achieve any pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. Most Scorpios get murdered.

You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck, since you lack talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks or dopers. People laugh at you behind your back a great deal. But it's okay because I love you lots. Your sign is above the moon. As a result, you'll meet Joe, who'll meet Sheila, who will meet May, who will meet Isaac, who will meet Abraham, who will meet Sarah, who will meet John, who will meet Peter, who will meet Jacob who'll meet Marian, who will meet trouble. As for you, you'll get hit by a passing plane.

Afraid of taking risks so you don't do much of anything. Capricorns should avoid standing still for too long, as they may take root and become trees. They are like a middle aged man who needs a break from work. The poor dude works 7 days a week in his cubicle without break for months. Anyway, one day he decided to take a well-deserved cruise. It had been a long time since he's been able to go on a vacation, and he was completely burned out. He packed all his luggage and boarded the next boat out. The destination didn't matter, so long as he could get away from work. So he boarded the boat at 9 am and found his room easily. He then realized he was quite thirsty. After all, he left his apartment first thing in the morning. The man went to the bar first to get some wine or a cocktail, but the line was too long. Being too parched to wait, he decided to try the vending machine near his room. Again, it was so crowded on deck that the line was too long! He tried the water fountain next, but the line was so long that it stretched around the entire deck. Then, he decided to make his way to the ballroom, where there was a table set up with food and drinks for all the attendees. He looked around and to his relief, he saw a punch bowl. He made his way over there, and there was no punch line.

You're inclined to be careless and impractical, causing you to make the same mistakes over and over again. People think you're stupid. "Oh, I recently got a new phone! It's actually a lot better than Apple because it has a qaudruple-core xenon-argon CPU unit graphics core. It's actually powered by ions, you wouldn't get that joke though so I'll explain it to you: ions come from the sun which produces ions through nuclear fission (you probably don't get that either) and the phone is powered by a lithium-ion battery and that's why it's funny. Anyway Android is better in almost every way because Apple is a TERRIBLE company that makes GARBAGE products and dumb, simple minded consumers like you buy them anyway. Can't expect the sheep to change though, baa baa! Also, I work for an independent tattoo shop and graduated top of my class from Cornell (it's the top of the Ivy League) with a 4.1 in a PhD of astrophysics. Can't find work though because all the employers just want dumb sheep! Any employer I've ever talked to has rejected me right after I told them about my 4.1, absolutely ridiculous this is the state of the world."